if you're feeling haunted, befriend the ghost inside your head

 if you've had to see, work, or communicate with me in the last 3 months, you are probably overtly aware that I was studying credit and business law.  I was preparing to take a certification exam and earn a new credit certification.  credit business fellow.

nerd talk, I know.  

I did this once before.  in 2017.  that was the credit business associate certification exam.  the coursework to prep for that certification was three courses; basic financial accounting, financial statement analysis, and business credit principles.  that stuff was a cakewalk.

this law homework scared the hell right out of me.  it was hard.  i put in A LOT of hours.  a lot of tears.  a lot of brain power.  a lot of note cards. a lot of nights when the librarians and I were closing down the weber county library together.  weeknights.  weekends.  holidays.  there were sunny days, dark days....very dark days, snowy days, rainy days, cold days, warm days.

I don't have a lot of "favorites" about this particular education experience.  it was hard and I was truly terrified of failing.  it tested me to my very core.  it required me to dig deeper than I've had to in a long time.  it took me to a point of giving up.  giving in.  letting go.  BUT!  my favorite part about this entire experience is the multitude of human beings who showed up for me in a hundred different ways throughout the process.  

support came from places and in ways that I could never have even imagined I needed.  but i needed it and my people came through.  you always do.  there were endless text messages on long, late library nights to keep me smiling and sometimes even laughing.  there were surprise gifts that arrived in my mailbox from etsy.  there were video chats when I needed it the most and didn't know it.  one of you texted me through an evening of tears at the library on a day that I had fully talked myself into throwing in the towel, because of those messages and your encouragement I kept going that day.  there were multiple crumbl cookie deliveries at the most perfect times.  study pizza funds were venmo'ed to me.  flowers were hand delivered from salt lake with no contact during a potential covid exposure quarantine.  notes of encouragement were penned and stuck to my laptop.  and that was just while I prepared.

when exam day rolled around you all really brought out the big guns.  text messages with well wishes flooded my phone all morning.  i received another beautiful boquet of flowers from my one true love.  the coffee shop made my drink extra tasty that morning.  and I don't know who to thank for this one so if you're reading this please make yourself known: as I got on the freeway in Ogden to drive to SLC to take the exam, a bald eagle soared high above the highway....a sure sign that I had all the power I ever needed to succeed.  and when I finished the exam and looked at my phone, a photo from a very dear friend showed me that two bald eagles were circling above her.  the universe was in sync from Utah to Minnesota.

the biggest award goes to Chris.  hands down.  he loved me through all of those tears.  he loved me when I was angry and it was projected onto him.  when I was completely out of hope he never once sat back and allowed me to believe I would fail.  he proceeded with a fierce optimism and always love for me.  and when it was almost all over, he still loved me so much that he had the most beautiful flowers delivered to me.  to keep things beautiful in those last few days before exam day.  it worked.  those days were filled with sunshine and beauty every time my senses took those flowers in.  to truly know love, everyone should know the feeling of being loved by a person who believes you are the smartest and most capable, and who will be your biggest cheerleader no matter what game you're playing.  I acknowledge how lucky I am to have that.  I love you, Chris!

Monday, March 8th was exam day.  I had 3.5 hours to take the exam.  I got there early.  settled in.  met some new people.  the exam began.  in 35 minutes I was done.  I panicked.  read through every single question two more times.  and then i hit the submit button and packed my bag.  it was over.  whatever I could have done, was done.  the next part may have been the most painful.  waiting for the results.  they tell you it can take up to 5 days.  thankfully I only had to wait 48 hours.  when I woke on Wednesday morning I broke a cardinal rule and checked my work email from bed.  there it was.  that email.  it started with "congratulations".  I didn't need to read the rest.  I DID IT!  I passed!  I am a Credit Business Fellow!

as many of you imagined, yes...I spent enough time studying at the library that I have made a couple of librarian friends.  I like them.  they read books and are educated.  they also cheered me on.